


Scary Love

by lisyloo824



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Character Analysis, Fluff, Heavy pining you guys, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Introspection, Las Vegas Era mostly, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Song Lyrics, boris's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 09:16:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20289070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisyloo824/pseuds/lisyloo824
Summary: No one has ever cared for Boris as much as Theo.





	Scary Love

**Author's Note:**

> Theo and Boris's relationship summarized in The Neighbourhood's lyrics of "Scary Love" which should be their theme song. I'm just saying.

**_Move to the city with me. I don't wanna be alone, don't wanna be alone._ **

Boris watched as Theo's cab drove off into the distance. The yellow lights from the streetlamps seemed to illuminate the trail that he followed. He ran, shivering from the cold air as the only thing that made him happy—the only person that made him feel safe—left him. His eyes were watering, from the drug or tears forming, he didn't know. He could chase and chase and never catch up to him. Never again. He promised one or two days, but how could he follow? He still had the painting. Theo would never forgive him. He stopped running as the cab trailed away where it could no longer be seen. He faltered with his hands on his knees as a puff of misty air came out of his mouth. Cold, alone, and probably never going to be able to see his best friend again. Tough luck. Everyone leaves.

** _You're too pretty for me. Baby, I know, it's true, yeah. You look better when you first wake up than anybody else I've fucked. Baby, I got good luck with you. _ **

That first morning (the one after the first time), Boris was practically blinded by the rising sun peeking through the blinds into the bedroom. The sharp shape casted a shadow over the multitude of beer bottles, all of them completely empty, some of them broken for a reason he couldn’t remember.

He rubbed his eye hard and turned over to see Theo still sleeping the other way which shook him a little, because he felt different. Fuller almost? Fuller like after he had one of those steaks that he stole for dinner without the slightly queasy feeling, more light and airy but full at the same time. He hadn't felt that way in awhile. It was strange. He raised an eyebrow.

Propping himself up on his elbow, he turned to face Theo's back. He leaned over and noticed that his glasses were scattered on the floor along with the bottles. At the same time, Theo shifted to lay on his back.

Boris sometimes thought he looked better without the glasses. A more angelic, baby face instead of the gloomy look he saw on grumpy old men's faces all the time. He preferred him like that.

With the glow of the sunrise coming in more strongly through the windows, it hit his face to where he could see every perfection and imperfection: the delicate crease between his eyebrows, down to his long eyelashes, the faded marks from nose pads, soft pink tinge on his cheeks and softer, thin lips that were sickly pale. His hair was golden blonde then.

Boris couldn't help but gently run his fingers through it and yank it so Theo would wake up.

Theo let out a tiny groan and pushed Boris off. "What the fuck?"

Boris laughed. His hands slapped the mattress. "Get up, Potter. Time for school." 

** _I didn't know we'd get so far, and it's only the start. Baby, you got me worried._ **

That boy from his English class, the one that didn't talk much, just stared out the window most of the time or frowned at what their other classmates were saying intrigued him. Boris thought he could be interesting to befriend, because several languages, who knows how many states and countries, he'd never seen anyone quite like him. Never seen anyone so sad looking.

What was the harm?

He'd probably move away soon and never see him again anyways.

At the bus port, he spotted him. Funnily enough, when he turned around and spotted Boris, his heart gave a little jump.

Before Boris knew it, he was sitting next to him on the bus, inviting him to go back to his house, and practically spilling his guts over his whole life story. It was surprisingly easy to talk to Theo. He seemed fairly interested and asked many questions. Boris didn't know why that excited him, but it did. It also worried him how close they were getting especially after Theo met his dad. He didn't expect them to be spending so much time at his place, so naturally he started going over to Theo's house more to try and avoid an accidental run-in when his dad was _really_ drunk. He was used to the beatings, but he didn't know if Theo was or not. Either way, they were tough to witness and be apart of.

He felt protective over him for some reason. At least things were better over at Theo's house. He liked not cooking for himself once in awhile with Xandra bringing them snacks from her workplace. He liked having intellectual discussions with Mr. Decker about philosophy and Russian politics. He secretly admired them both so much and envied what Theo had: an actual family.

Maybe he couldn't see it, but Boris knew he did. He even felt as though he were apart of it when he was over there. That made him feel uneasy, but he couldn't wish for anything more. 

** _Your love is scaring me. No one has ever cared for me as much as you do. Ooo, yeah, I need you here. _ **

There was one night in particular where his clothes were ripped and face battered as if it hit the gravel on a road. His dad had smelled the alcohol on his breath and went crazy. Usually, he didn't care enough to notice, but that night, he did. Boris went over to Theo's and was thankful when he opened the door and saw that no one else was home. Popchyk also came to greet him and started circling around his feet when he came in. 

"You look like shit," Theo told him. "Come on."

They went up to his bedroom where Boris sprawled himself out on the bed, taking out the pack of Marlboro cigarettes he stole from the grocery store earlier and a lighter. He took a hit while Theo was still in the bathroom. Eventually, he came out with a damp washcloth and a towel. He gave the washcloth to Boris and started to wrap the towel around a huge cut on his arm. "What's this from?" 

"Took a butter knife to me. Can you believe I cannot make toast peacefully in my own house?" A sarcastic clicking of the tongue. 

"You worry me sometimes, you know." 

"I worry you? For what?" 

"What if he actually kills you one day or something. Then, what would I do?" Theo wasn't looking at Boris's face. He was looking at Popchyk who jumped into his lap and started licking the bruises on Boris's hands. 

"Trust me, Potter; that will not happen. I know you are unable to live without me." 

"Fuck you. I'm being serious."

"As am I." Boris sighed. "Look, I am going to sleep. Care to join me? We can talk tomorrow." He started scooting up towards the pillows and Popchyk ran after him immediately, plopping down between the two pillows. Boris started petting him. "Yes, you little ball of fluff, I am okay. Are you worried too?" 

Theo got up to turn off the lights and laid down next to them both. He fell asleep before Boris like usual. Boris was left to hear the steadiness of his breathing. In the dark, it was the only thing he could focus on. He really didn't know what he would do if he lost Theo. That night, he knew Theo felt the same way. At the end of the day, they really only had each other. Boris also had Kotku, but she didn't make him feel the same way Theo did. It was hard to explain. With Theo, he felt that he could come to him with anything. They were bounded somehow. He was suppressed violence while Boris was a raging storm. They balanced each other out well. 

He moved closer to seek out Theo's warmth. It made him feel whole. He made him feel complete. Even though Boris wasn't scared of many things, this feeling really scared him. 

** _Drivin' through the city with me, just watching you glow. I'm in the passenger seat. You're in control. It's on you now, mhm. You look better every day, I swear. Really, it's a little unfair. Baby, I'm star-struck by you._ **

Boris sat in the backseat of Mr. Decker's car next to Theo as he was driving them to their dinner reservation. He struck up a conversation yet again with him about the nature of gambling which lasted pretty much the whole car ride. Theo's dad held Xandra's hand the whole time. She laughed at his jokes every once in awhile. Theo contributed very little to the conversation, but Boris could tell he was happy. At least happier than he was a few days ago.

He decided he liked Theo's happy self better than his usual self. The way he seemed less stiff and his face had a little more life to it. Boris couldn't lie. It was very attractive. He was glad he could share Theo's happiness with him. It did actually feel like they were a family, the closest thing Boris had to one. 

_**If we fall apart, maybe it wasn't meant to be. If we fall apart, then it was our favorite dream.** _

Boris spotted Theo from across the room in his sleek suit and dress shoes. He was the most handsome Boris had ever seen him. It was the first engagement party he'd ever been to. Big chandeliers, bunch of rich people who talk too much and smile too big, little foods on silver platters were not his thing. Too fancy for him.

If he was being honest, he found it a little upsetting that Theo was getting married. Things had been different for them definitely since they were apart for so long, but he kind of expected him not to. He was sure that it was because Theo was getting a brand new start with the pretty snowflake woman while he'd been living on the run, estranged from his own family. That had to be it.

Still, when Theo approached him and he threw his arm around him, it sparked something inside that took him back to when they were kids. Wild, stupid, free. It was the best time of his life. Occasionally, he wished things could've been different. He knew that he'd told plenty of people that when he'd had enough vodkas to see stars. Theo would always be a part of him in the past, present, and future no matter what.

** _Your love is therapy. No drug can give me clarity as much as you do. _ **

They were at a playground behind some elementary school. Boris had no recollection of how they got there. Nevertheless, they were lying on the ground underneath a swing set, looking up at the stars. These weren't normal stars. They were stars that glowed every color imaginable. Some of them even zoomed through the night sky and almost looked like they were going to land on Earth. 

"Haha!" Theo tapped him rapidly on the shoulder. "Look, look. That one's green!" He was pointing at one that looked more like a starfish. 

"No, is not. Is pink, you idiot," Boris spat. 

More laughter came out of his mouth. 

They laid like that for awhile until things got really quiet. The crickets were chirping. The moon was half the size it was supposed to be. Boris felt at peace. 

"Do you ever think about how everyone you love either leaves or dies?" Theo asked. 

Boris actually thought about that for a moment. "Yeah, I do." Quiet sniffling could be heard from next to him. "I mean, what good is it to think about those things anyways? Will it change what already happened? No such thing as time travel, and yet..." he trailed off, forgetting the point of what he was saying. 

"I miss my mom so much that I wish I were dead, so I could be with her." 

He turned to look at him. "Right, I am very sorry, Theo." 

When he didn't respond, Boris continued. "...but, hey, we will always have each other. Is not questionable. I'd never leave you or die. Not anytime soon. I promise."

"I'm not sure I believe in promises." 

"Me as well, but I am me, and you are you. I would not lie to you about this." 

Theo turned to look at him as well. "Okay," was all he said. 

Boris suddenly felt compelled to lean forward and press his lips to Theo's. It was really quick, but enough to make Boris's whole body heat up. Theo just looked at him, blinking in succession. Then, he kissed Boris again, longer this time, putting his hand to his cheek while Boris savored it. Theo tasted mostly of vodka with a hint of salt from his tears. Right away, it became Boris's favorite flavor. The best kind of drug. High off of Theo. In that moment, the world faded away into something only the two of them shared. It was good and pleasant. It was both of them together which left a sort of ache in Boris's chest as though he knew it wouldn't last, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered except Theo. 


End file.
